I've been thinking a lot about law school lately. It's probably the result of a couple of things, namely being away from school and operating in the "real world" for the past few months; my desire to know what I want to 'do' and to 'be'; and in large part, the show Suits.
I recently read that thinking too much about the future can be a really damning thing. While it's obviously never a bad move to create goals and develop aspirations, outlining unrealistic narratives obstructs your thinking towards other potentialities and creates room for later disappointment if those narratives don't come entirely true.
But the reality is, I don't know what I want to do with my life, and that upsets me. As someone who likes to have more or less my whole life "under control" - and note, I do at least realize what a sweeping statement that is - the uncertainty of not knowing who I'll be when I "grow up" is admittedly unpleasant.
But all of my worries really challenge the mantra of this blog: I should be focused on enjoying these fleeting years of my life, not stressing over details of what it will be like in ten years. Besides, it's not like I've got the power to get myself into law school in the present moment. All I can do is keep working my hardest and making the most of my time as an undergrad. In other words, as is too often the proper remedy for my occasional anxiety, I just need to relax and enjoy the pleasant fact that I'm alive.
An example that I really think drives this whole point home comes from earlier this week, at work. At some point I noticed my boss' engagement ring on her finger, prompting an entire train of thought about what marriage will be like. One particular thought about my non-existant lifelong partner had to do with my proposal to her. In considering this, I had a split second of fear over how I would know how large her ring finger is without revealing my intent to propose. Then I realized: worrying about what kind of lawyer I want to be in eight or more years is a lot like worrying about what kind of engagement ring to buy for the future wife I haven't yet met. It just doesn't matter right now.
"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."
- Abraham Lincoln
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